How to Reclaim Sexual Intimacy After Birth
by Annie Evett
A big question for many couples – either legally or spiritually married or not – is the issue on how
to achieve a continued intimacy – especially after the advent of
children. Couples marry out of a deep desire to love and to be loved
and that they believe that together they are able to experience life
more deeply than if they were apart; not to find a convenient partner
who will provide funding for a lifestyle, cook meals, mow the lawn,
wash dishes, do laundry, and rear children.
Especially with first babies, women can have a tendency to make their baby the centre
of their universe. This often leaves little time to focus on, or be
with their partner. This drought in every day intimacy and attention
flows on to a coital hiatus. Nature, it seems, planned on this to
ensure that babies are well looked after and future pregnancies are
spaced out.
The 'drought' can come from either partner and the disinterest in sex and intimacy,
stems from a number of issues and conditions, which sadly is not
discussed by even the closest of friends, much less the medical
fraternity or the media. It may be through the rollercoaster of
hormones pulsing through the woman’s body after birthing, and
landing unsettled and unbalanced – causing low libido. It’s
possible the physical and emotional strain of caring for a young
child is taking the toll on both your good natures, leaving little
time for intimacy and closeness you shared before your baby came
along. The financial strain, the unsettled feelings stemming from
unexplored roles as a parent and the sheer exhaustion from being a
new parent all contribute to the lack of intimacy and sex within a
relationship.
Everyone's experiences make them an expert in their own right - so what is right
for one couple may not be appropriate for another. Most couples wait
for the magical 6 week mark and are dreadfully disappointed when that
incredible pre birth sex doesn’t happen. The return to sexual
intimacy needs to be in your own good time and not to rush it. It’s
important to make space and time to care and nurture yourself –
something that as a new parent seems as easy as to fly to the moon.
The importance of including and communicating with your partner is
paramount. Reclaiming your sexuality as an individual and as a couple
can be a wonderful adventure – so don’t treat it as a chore or
something that you just ‘have to do’ – enjoy the journey!
