Five Essential Components Of An Intimate Relationship
by Annie Evett
Most couples do not plan to live separate lives, but once set adrift, often existing in
separate time zones due to feeds and work schedules, it is easy to
allow that drift to take you to a state of complacently. It takes
courage to recognise that you do not want to be part of the
statistics and to reconnect with your partner. This will not happen
over night and you may encounter great resistance – both from
yourself and from your partner. Endure and be tenacious…
There are five basic components to an intimate relationship and these must be practised and explored
on a constant basis to make them meaningful and long lasting.
Building intimacy after birthing especially, is like dating and being
a virgin again. (what an exciting thought!)
Intellectual Intimacy
Intimacy entails thinking of one another above the basic needs of finances, daily chores and food. Too
often if a couple finds the time to talk, their chat focuses on the
children or of events, rather than how they felt or reacted about
these things. Start by finding common ground again; build
intellectual intimacy through linking of ideas and of your minds.
Emotional Intimacy
Building emotional intimacy comes through sharing feelings and being willing to vocalise your fears and
joys without self editing. You are choosing to be intimate with your
partner when you reveal what’s going on in your emotional world. It
can be a challenge for many who have lost touch with both themselves
and with each other – so again – this needs to be a constant
dialogue in order to build those emotional muscles.
Social Intimacy
Spending time with one another builds social intimacy as well as gives you
things to talk about in the other intimacy levels. Couples and
families who sit and eat a meal together and are involved in a shared
activity – be it gardening or planning a camping trip brings a
level of intimacy and understanding hard to emulate elsewhere. A
picnic in the park or even on the floor of your apartment can add
excitement to an otherwise drab day (and is very child friendly and
inexpensive too!)These crazy, spur of the moment events form some of
your most vivid memories; whilst building social intimacy.
Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy is often the least developed of all the intimacies of a partnership, yet it has a
profound impact upon all other areas. It is built by verbalising
beliefs and experiences without fear of ridicule or judgement.
Spiritual intimacy does not demand that both partners share the exact
beliefs or convictions, but that there is an understanding and
support to the others chosen path.
Physical Intimacy
There are three parts to master with this; that being to celebrate the differences, to be able to
mutually satisfy one another and to rediscover your personal
sensuality. Sex is about having maximum pleasure of sharing both
physically as well as the beautiful feeling of loving and caring for
the inner spirit of each other. This can be done without emotional
dependence as long as both partners trust each other and care for the
others' emotions as well as pleasure.
Rediscover Sensuality
Sensuality is perhaps the most underdeveloped and ignored senses and gifts someone
can have for themselves. We were born for touch and feelings of
sensuality. Somewhere between babyhood and adulthood we develop touch
barriers which can be harmful to our well-being. Rediscovering your
sensuality is to regain your basic needs of what feels good and
having no guilt or judgement attached to these feelings. Dressing,
dancing and singing for one’s pleasure, acknowledging who you are
when there are no social masks, getting in touch with your spirits
purpose and learning to love and nurture oneself are part of the
rediscovery path.
Celebrate the Differences
Touch is the most powerful way to communicate empathy, friendship, approval,
affirmation and love to another. Sexual intimacy is usually the top
of commonly desired intimacies within a partnership and usually one
of the first to degrade into a meaningless function. As men and women
approach sexual intimacy in different ways, it is important for both
to understand and be mindful of the importance of these when
approaching your partner. Men’s emphasis usually focuses on the
physical aspects; seeing, touching, and feeling – so it is
important to present in a visually sensual way for them. This will
mean different things to different people – so frank conversations
on what each partner likes and dislikes is necessary. Women tend to
focus on the emotional aspects - to feel loved, wanted, cared for,
and treated tenderly. Every couple’s experiences make them an
expert in their own right - so what is right for one couple may not
be appropriate for another.
Mutual Satisfaction
By understanding the difference between men and women, one couple and another – will pave the way
to mutual understanding of what satisfies the other. Men generally
need to learn to focus on their partner’s emotional need for love.
Women usually need to understand the physical aspect of their
partner’s sexual desires. This mutual understanding requires
leaning, conversations which are open and honest and safe from
judgement. By focusing on making the sexual experience an act and
expression of love, they will find the path to sexual intimacy.
Each one of these intimacies deserves a weekend workshop or a chapter of a book alone
and there are many aspects not explored within this article .
Obviously you cannot separate sexual intimacy from emotional,
intellectual, social, and spiritual intimacy. Love can be learned;
through understanding the different love languages and needs of your
partner – close and meaningful sexual intimacy is one of the
results. Keep an open and honest communication link with your partner
and take things slowly – with little pressure – and connect again
with yourself as a sensual being, before attempting to touch another.
